Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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