Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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