im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
