My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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