You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
BRING THE BAGELS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
