dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
