You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
