im six kinds of drunk right now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
