You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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