I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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