You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
