I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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