I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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