I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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