Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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