Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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