Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
