dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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