how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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