I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
