Screwed.edu
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
