I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
