it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
