so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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