Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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