I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
