very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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