So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
