i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
