Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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