proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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