Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
