Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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