based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize