how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
