Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
