jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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