I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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