the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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