So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
