I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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