i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
