I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
PANTIES FOUND
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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