Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
