and i looked up. we had an audience...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
