Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
