I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
