So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
