This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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