"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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