you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
