What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
