I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
