a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
