My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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