took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize