I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
