I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
