one two three fourrrrnication!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
