I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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