party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
