glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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