Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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