Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
