At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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