I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
