I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
