I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
