STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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