I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
