I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
