i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
