A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
