I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
