Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Houston, we have a squirter
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize