Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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