I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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