I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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