Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
