Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
